On milestones, endings and beginnings

An update from digital field notes

Me at Arthur’s Seat in Edinburgh, taken by a friend.

I guess this is it.

I’m going back home in two weeks.

For good?

Yes, for good.

I kept hearing that phrase — “for good” — being uttered as a question in response to my announcement. The repetition has made me wonder how often this set of two words permeates the day-to-day conversation. Is it a common thing to ask in any other instance? If someone were to announce, “I stopped smoking,” would the question “For good?” be appropriate in that context? (For the record, I do not smoke.) Or, if I were to say, “I stopped speaking to my ex,” would a friend ask, “For good?”, or would they simply respond with a statement? Perhaps a “Good for you!”?

There’s something about moving location that inspires inquisition in a way other life changes do not. Maybe it has to do with the baggage of it all — literal and metaphorical. There is so much work that goes behind uprooting and rerooting oneself. And in the context of my social reality, one can only uproot and reroot oneself so many times in one’s life. There’s too much capital that goes behind every move, and, frankly speaking, I do not operate on an unlimited budget.

So, for that very reason, perhaps the question is indeed appropriate. Perhaps, it struck me as something noteworthy because it forced me to come to terms with this version of reality I’m currently living in — where there exists a timeline, a cap, a full stop. At some point, perhaps best sooner than later, I must come to terms with the finality of it all.

Some friends have suggested that I might come back at some point. Who knows, right? But I am well aware that the duration for which I get to stay here is already more than most people from where I come from could afford.

It’s time to go back.

Many things await my return.

I don’t know how much backstory I’d like to provide for now. I’ll give you the short version because there are other, more important things to talk about.

Long story short, I returned to London to look for a job, and I haven’t managed to secure one. Initially, I gave myself six months. And then it became eight, as I waited for updates. The announcement came, and I didn’t make the cut. I was sad for a whole evening (cried to my Mom and everything). But the next day, I got up and went about my day as usual. At the end of the day, I wanted to keep my word. I gave myself a timeline to figure things out, and I’m at the end of it now.

Here’s the slightly longer version: I moved to London from Indonesia to do my Master’s in 2023. Completed that in 2024. Went back home for a bit to be with family. Went back to London. Got a new visa this January. Tried job hunting the first few months of 2025. Ditched that because it was getting kind of silly (I couldn’t for the life of me justify all the hours spent tweaking my CV and rewriting cover letters for my application to only be rejected by AI — I might do an edition on this at some point). I decided to give myself the permission to work on things I wanted to work on, which is how this newsletter got to its current state (it’s still a work in progress, but there is some progress; more on that in a bit). In between that, I took on part-time shifts on a once-a-week schedule for a few months (it didn’t move the needle, but it did make me feel less guilty about digging into my savings). The point is, I decided to make room for myself. I went out, met people, introduced them to my project, and kept building on my story bank.

Some of the work I’ve done is published here, on digital field notes. But the majority of the work thus far is still in the archive. They are research notes for possible inquiries, a list of people I’d like to converse with, initial conversations to be followed up upon, and jotted ideas to be expanded and rewritten. I could perhaps go on and on operating in this mode — exploration for exploration’s sake. In a way, it’s such a privileged state to be in. I do what I want, set my own agenda, and answer to no one but myself. That’s a journalist’s/writer’s utopia. I’m immensely grateful for the many months I get to put on this hat. I don’t take this for granted, not in the slightest.

What’s going to happen after this? I’ve spent the last two weeks going around the UK (8 cities in total, and a few more on my list). The next two weeks will be for packing (honestly, I don’t even know where to start). Then, I’ll spend some quality time with my family. During that period, I’ll be based in Bali. After that, there’s a sibling’s wedding — my brother’s getting married next month! And throughout all that, I’ll be on the lookout for reporter/writer roles based in Indonesia. There’s a plan to relocate from Bali to Jakarta sometime this year. I’m looking to establish a living and working setup I’d be happy with for the upcoming two or three years. So, an upcoming project for me would be setting up that new living arrangement and building myself a proper work station (I’ve relied on my laptop and cafe hopping for far too long).

I’m excited. There’s a lot to look forward to.

What’s the update on digital field notes?

I’m happy to share that as of 1 September, I hit 100 subscribers! I know it’s a considerably small mailing list, but considering I’ve only published 8 editions so far, it’s not a bad figure. Plus, I have three paying subscribers! Yes, they are all people I know. No, they are not my parents or my siblings. Despite my best efforts to convince my sister to support my project, she has yet to do so.

I’m also expanding digital field notes’ content. I started a YouTube channel. Initially, I thought of it as an extension of this newsletter, but increasingly I’m imagining it as a standalone project. I uploaded my first video a few weeks ago (attached below). At the time, I was working on a piece about love and dating apps, so the main topic of the video is of that (I’ve since put that work on hold so I could enjoy my last few weeks in the UK, but that edition’s coming out at some point).

Back to the video. I recorded it on a Sunday hangout with a friend. I’ve had this format in my head for a while now. I envision a laid-back conversation out in the open where people get to be somewhat anonymous. It’s a space to just be and converse. No emphasis on names, titles, or faces. I wanted to break away from the archetypal video podcast format of indoor studios, large mics and conversation for publicity’s sake, as opposed to conversation for the joy of it. I’m being very creative with the title by naming it “Conversations with Friends” (a friend pointed out the Sally Rooney’s reference — it’s actually not related; or maybe it is, I still need to read the book first to draw the connection). I’ve recorded two more of “Conversations with Friends” — they still need to be edited, but the material’s already there. If you want to be notified, consider subscribing to the channel!

Aside from video content, I’m also thinking of doing a spoken format for my upcoming newsletters. I’ve been doing trial runs to get a sense of what an audio version of my newsletter would sound like. They sounded alright. No fancy intros and outros yet, but I thought even a bare audio recording might be a nice addition.

In conclusion, there’s a lot more to come!

I’m keeping this project alive because I find myself actually enjoying the work. Yes, it can be laborious. Yes, some people just scroll through it. Yes, there’s no obvious outcome. Yes, it doesn’t pay the bills (at least not yet). But it’s allowing me to exist in the world as me, and that’s worth keeping.

So, what is digital field notes exactly?

It started as a platform for me to share insights from my dissertation. And then I decided to turn it into a project to explore London’s tech scene from a cultural standpoint. Going forward, it will be a space for me to write whatever it is that interests me that lies within the intersection of business, technology and culture. I could be exploring the chokehold of neoliberalism in today’s dating apps and dating norms, the changing venture capital landscape, or the role of social media in driving today’s social movements. It’s a wide canvas. I’d like for it to remain that way.

I don’t exactly know how to picture an audience for this project at the moment. But also, I don’t think it’d be wise for me to do so. The plan is just to put things out there and see to whom the writings resonate. For those of you who regularly click on my email every time a new edition comes out, you have my thanks. I plan on doing this for a long time. I hope this can be an enduring relationship, a meaningful one for both you and me.

As always, I’m happy to listen to feedback, so drop me a note anytime.

Sincerely,

Dita